The Transportation Security Administration has a fancy new website and a fancy new image.
Its new tag line: Vigilant, Effective, Efficient.
It's got a new tough-guy image, but he's the father figure with a soft spot.
The front page in bold scream out: "Our Layers Of Security, Strong Like A Rock."
Perhaps they mean their security is like the Grand Canyon.
Ain't nothing wrong at all with layered security -- it's highly recommended by those in the know, but TSA has gone beyond layering.
They are also now Unpredictable, Agile Like A Ninja.
They are also Racially, Ably, and Gender Balanced, Diverse Like an Applebee's Appetizer Sampler.
While TSA may be Vigilant, Effective, Efficient, Strong Like a Rock, Agile Like A Ninja and Diverse Like an Applebee's Appetizer Sampler, they are still softies at heart.
How can you know that?
One, you aren't just a schmoo with a discount airfare and a smelly, unreclinable seat near the bathroom, you are one of what the TSA now -- likely thanks to a image consultant paid for with your dollars -- prefers to call "Our Travelers".
They also have pictures of bomb-sniffing Freedom Puppies on their website.
Not only that, they have a whole puppy program you can join, and they have a full gallery of puppy cuteness pr0n.
That's all just propaganda, of course.
In fact, airport security is much more like a gobstopper, with you at the soft, gooey center.
The TSA admits as much, if you dig deep enough into the website.
