Face Bras Do Nothing

Ladies: exactly how foolish are you prepared to look to squeeze yet another year out of your rapidly dwindling sex appeal? Enough to spend a few hours each day physiognomically mummified, like the woman to the right, wearing a panted face bra, the newest advance in home beauty techniques?

We hope not. Because the thing doesn't bloody work.

My eyes light up when I read the instructions, which ask: 'Are you sorry that you didn't use sunscreen? That you smoked and drank too much and slept too little? Scrambling for the magic powder that will bring your skin and body back?' Yes! Yes! Yes!

But my heart sank when I read the next line: 'The face bra doesn't do this.' Oh. Talk about building you up to knock you down. Apparently, while it won't turn back time, the face bra will deeply cleanse my skin, open up the pores and allow me to age gracefully, and I can wear it as often as I like - whoopee.

First I have to rinse the pieces of the bra - call me pedantic, but for 49 quid I'd rather hoped they would arrive clean and ready for use. Not only do the pieces of the face bra resemble old ladies' surgical stockings, they smell like it too.

Better to improve your sex appeal in a more progressive manner: with a custom designed vagina, the newest plastic surgery fetish to take the world by storm.

Would You Wear A Face Bra? [Daily Mail]