The Struggle of the Sexes: Why Women Aren't Funny

For most of my life, women that I have wished to sleep with have told me that what they really want is a guy with a great sense of humor. This is one of the many lies that women have propagated upon the species. I am a funny guy. Yet most funny guys inevitably realize that what women really want is a grim, glowering sociopath with a protruding brow who looks like he might very well erupt and into an animalistic frenzy and tear the arms off of jackasses like me, while his girlfriend stands around and laughs.

So I disagree with the indefatigably witty, indefatigably soused Christopher Hitchens that humor is the key to seduction, in his awesome essay for Vanity Fairy, 'Why Women Aren't Funny.'

Okay, try not let your knee jerk up and smash your face in when you read the title there. The whole essay is just a brilliant examination of humor, with plenty of shots taken at both sexes. Women may be grim and humorless according to Hitchens, but as Wired.com's editors know since I started, men are fascinated with the humorous possibilities of defecation and ejaculation. Men are idiot lowbrows by biological definition.

There's just so many great quotes, I can't even begin to pick them all out, but here's the thesis:

If I am correct about this, which I am, then the explanation for the superior funniness of men is much the same as for the inferior funniness of women. Men have to pretend, to themselves as well as to women, that they are not the servants and supplicants. Women, cunning minxes that they are, have to affect not to be the potentates. This is the unspoken compromise.

Probably the best, funniest and most pan-offensive essay you'll read today!

Why Women Aren't Funny [Vanity Fair]