Biblical scholars have long been perplexed by two Messianic mysteries. The first: what does "Eloi eloi lama sabachthani" even mean, anyway? The second: what does the 'H' in "Jesus H. Christ" stand for anyway? No one's quite sure: it's one of the only remaining unsolved mysteries of Jesus' birth certificate.
We may never know the real answer, but thanks to some smart Google searching, we at least know the popular consensus. The Son of Godn's full name? Jesus Harold Christ.
There are other notable theories, though. The most popular competing theory is that his middle name is Harold. One only a little less popular? "Jesus Hitler Christ". There is also the famous H.R. Puffinstuff theory. Some believe the middle initial on his birth certificate is actually a race field, and posit it stands for "Honky."
My favorite, though? A solitary individual on the Internet whose divine revelation was that Jesus did indeed have a middle name, and it was "Horripilating." Hey! I horripilate all the time! He truly was the Son of Man.
What Does The H Stand For? [Tenser, said the Tensor]
