Roppongi English

From the foreword of the phenomenal linguistic masterpiece Roppongi English by B.G. Johnson:

If you spend anytime in Roppongi, you've seen a lot of foreigners. These people come from all over the world, but chances are, they speak English, the current international language.

Maybe you think, "Hey, some of these guys are cute. I'd like to talk to them." And why not, you've been studying English since junior high school. Then you remember, "I've never actually spoken English! And never with a foreigner! Let's face it, when it comes to actually conversation [sic], knowing how to say "This is a pen" isn't all that helpful...

But as Roppongi English protagonist Tonoko learns, "This is a penis" sure as hell is.

Meet Tonoko, a third year university student who fears that her mediocre English will prevent a foreigner from going to bed with her! Meet Kevin, who could give a shit about Tonoko's English as long as she puts out! Meet Tony, an absurd cariacture of a black man who looks just like MC Hammer and may, in fact, be a drug dealer or a pimp!

I especially love Kevin's question right before penetration, "Is today safe for you?" Maybe my English isn't up to snuff, but I'm not quite sure what he means. Is he worried about vaginal dentatas? Is he channeling Lawrence Olivier Nazi dentist from Marathon Man? Or is he an enthusiast of the Rhythm Method, which every guy who has ever panicked for a week that his girlfriend might be pregnant can tell you is totally not worth it?

Go check out the whole series at Japan Probe.

Roppongi English: Part 5
Roppongi English: Part 4
Roppongi English: Part 3
Roppongi English: Part 2
Roppongi English: Part 1