Charlie Sorrel
Gear

Optimus Prime's Insurance Policy: $235,567.50 per Month

The letter, as imagined by writer John Frank Weaver, is from GEICO (Government Employees Insurance Company) to head Transformer Optimus Prime, discussing the truck/robot's June insurance claim: Dear Mr. Prime, The only repairs for which you were reimbursed were the replacement of a cracked fender and a headlight, required after a Mr. I.... You claimed the damage was caused by a giant mechanical scorpion, which I can only assume is some amusement-park ride, although I question the wisdom of bringing your mobile home so close to such dangerous equipment.

Optimus Prime GeicoMcSweeney's Quarterly Concern, an eclectic quarterly print publication, has this hilarious spoof letter featured on its website. The letter, as imagined by writer John Frank Weaver, is from GEICO (Government Employees Insurance Company) to head Transformer Optimus Prime, discussing the truck/robot's June insurance claim:

Dear Mr. Prime,

The only repairs for which you were reimbursed were the replacement of a cracked fender and a headlight, required after a Mr. I. Ron Hide backed his van into your truck; these cost $1,286.63

[...] Mr. Hide claimed that it would be impossible for police to examine his blood-alcohol content with a Breathalyzer, because he "doesn't breathe"

[...] $665,789.11 requested reimbursement for repairs to your trailer. You claimed the damage was caused by a giant mechanical scorpion, which I can only assume is some amusement-park ride, although I question the wisdom of bringing your mobile home so close to such dangerous equipment.

[...] your premium has increased to $235,567.50 per month. While that may seem like a lot, I remind you that it is a savings of $137 over Progressive and $98 over State Farm.

Click through for the whole, faux-legalese letter.

A Letter to Optimus Prime From His GEICO Insurance agent [mcsweeneys.net]