IPosture Stops Slouching, Enlarges Breasts

Have you all got your Buzzword Bingo cards ready? Good. Eyes down...

The iPosture is a gadget that begins with the letter 'i'. The little disk constantly monitors your posture and delivers a sharp, corrective vibration if you deviate by more than three degrees from your starting position. How does it manage such a feat? Nanotechnology:

The secret of the iPosture is WINS TM, or Wearable Intelligent Nano-Sensor, a microchip that monitors stance several times every second.

To use it, you need to clip it to your shirt, or surreptitiously slide it into your bra, whereupon you will be transformed from a lazy, slouching, small breasted troglodyte into a beautifully elegant creature with pert, skyward pointing breasts and a flat belly. While the site claims that the iPosture is "made of space age electronics", it sounds to us like an accelerometer and a vibrator in a puck. How much for this snake-oil? Just $99.

The claims for good posture might be well founded -- after all, sitting up straight is certainly good for your back. But we're skeptical that this buzzer will produce much more than bolt-upright discomfort. My dad, ever ready with a colorful turn of phrase, has a term for the resulting ramrod stance: If he sees somebody standing up too straight, he says "they look like they have a broom handle up their arse." Bingo!

UPDATE: Moacir Schnapp M.D of iPosture just sent this mail in reply:

Ouch! My favorite magazine's blog put us on the snake oil section...

I'm a Neurologist who specializes in Pain Management for the past thirty years. We started with the concept four years ago (hence the dated iPosture name), but our biggest obstacle has been in the development of appropriate software that could analyze the posture behavior of 99% of the users, with a minimal of false positive or negative alarms (otherwise one could just attach an iPhone to the neck and acquire perfect posture).

The hardware idea is straightforward but we spent thousands of hours of testing and no less than five engineers to design the software that would allow even the most technologically naive person ready access to the device (one single operating button for all different functions).

As such, I have removed the ever-controversial "Snakeoil" categorisation and replaced it with "Medicine". Thanks Dr. Schnapp. Maybe you should release an iPhone version.

Product page [iPosture. Thanks, Eric!]