The "Exotic Enemies Do Get Married" Campaign
by Bruce Sterling and Jasmina Tesanovic
Surprising news has just arrived for us at our American home address. Although we have been married for four years now, the American Immigration services can't find any paper trail for the two of us.
We have no joint bank account, no insurance accounts and no joint children. The authorities therefore suspect that our marriage is a phony "Green Card marriage," and they would like to have Jasmina deported from the USA.
This is not too entirely surprising a mistake, since we're an Internet couple. By our nature, we just don't generate much paper.
We use electronic banking. Bruce uses American banks, while Jasmina uses Serbian banks. Why would anyone want to make his or her alien spouse use an American or Serbian bank?
There's no reason for us to jointly speculate in American real-estate, since we each already own places to live. No sane European would ever want American health insurance. And so forth.
Like a lot of geek couples, we live out of our cellphones and laptops. Furniture, wedding china, massive home improvement loans: we don't even go there. We have a light material footprint that'll generally fit onto a couple of rollaboards.
We're nevertheless a genuine married couple. Any reasonable Internet person would recognize this fact in two minutes.
What proof can we offer to you, the Internet websurfer?
Well, Wikipedia says! When have they ever been known to err?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jasmina_Te%C5%A1anovi%C4%87
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruce_Sterling
We got married in the LAX Airport in late 2005.
BoingBoing's Xeni Jardin was our bridesmaid.
That online news source gets more unique hits than TIME magazine!
http://www.boingboing.net/2005/11/17/nice-day-for-a-cyber.html
Here's a phantomlike, immaterial, electronic photo of our signed, sealed, certified, entirely legal paper marriage license.
Bruce's new novel THE CARYATIDS is dedicated "To Jasmina," not the sort of thing authors generally do as part of an illicit human-trafficking scheme.
We've been together so long now that we're starting to look like each other.
Older friends of ours will recognize that this didn't use to be so.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/brucesterling/3411474030/
However, the American immigration authorities would rather prefer more cogent assurances than a blog post.
Luckily, even people without a consumer tonnage of joint material possessions can establish that they are married – if enough people say so.
We must therefore implore your help. Have you ever witnessed the two of us hanging around together? Were you convinced that we're the real deal, spouse-wise? Do you have solemn, impressive, legal-looking letterhead? For instance, are you some kind of American federal agent yourself? Lord knows we know some.
If so, then, please – write us a testament to that effect. It's meant for the American authorities, and will be using your own letterhead. Please tell them we are, indeed, a "bona fide marriage." You are talking to the "UNITED STATES CITIZENSHIP AND IMMIGRATION SERVICES" in Vermont, USA. Our lawyer will see to it that they get it.
Then send us a dot-pdf or a scan of your paper. We will truck them over to our lawyer. She is offering a possible template you might care to use. It's in the next blog post.
Please get cracking. The immigration feds are eager to bring out the hounds. April 15, 2009 is your deadline.
We would do the same favor for you. In fact, if you will send us a scanned copy of your letter attesting to our marriage, we will sentimentally treasure that for years to come.
Bruce Sterling – [email protected]
Jasmina Tesanovic – [email protected]
Then, if you ever end up in our weird situation – (we know you're not planning that, but frankly, neither did we) – then we solemnly pledge, right here and now, that we WILL do the same favor for you.
We will write to your national authorities – whoever they are, wherever they are – and we will bear witness to your union and your desire to go about your joint existence. Gay marriages welcome! As a Serb married to a Texan, we're not fussy and judgmental about any of that stuff!
Consider this an investment in our planet's marital future! It may be, in glittering days of tomorrow, that almost EVERYONE will be married to some foreigner – yes, just like noted futurologists Bruce Sterling, Pat Cadigan, William Gibson and Cory Doctorow! There is clearly a groundswell here! People whose intimate relations are primarily electronic need to mobilize!
Will you help us to deal with this, please? And spread the word about our situation? Thank you very much.
Yours sincerely, Jasmina Tesanovic and Bruce Sterling
http://blog.wired.com/sterling
http://blog.b92.net/blog/59/Jasmina%20Tesanovic/
PS: Please do not personally lobby the US Immigration and Naturalization
Service on behalf of everyone who has ever had an Internet romance. That won't help the two of us.
Also, that's not our point with this effort. We are recruiting real friends who are willing to swear that they have PHYSICALLY MET US and that we really do exist as a couple.
If you can't do that for us, this effort is not for you.
*Because we really, truly got married. We have to cross national borders.
Do you see the important real-world distinction there? If all you do is read our blog posts, although you do know us pretty well by now, you cannot legally prove one thing about us to anybody.
*We do keenly appreciate your warm wishes. Your moral support does in fact help us. Good luck out there in virtuality.
