Jul 3, 2014 6:30 AM

Gallery: Crack Your Brewskis in Style With These Bitchin' Bottle Openers

01
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Yes, it is a bit silly to spend $48 on a bottle opener. But then again, you're probably drunk right now, and that's a great excuse to buy wasteful things you don't need. Like this [Hex bottle opener](http://shop.iacolimcallister.com/product/hex-opener). Go for it. Photo: Naoya Fujishiro
02
At least two Wired staffers have this [Corter Bottlehook](http://shop.corterleather.com/products/bottlehook) keychain hooked on their belt loops, and both of them are boozy types. (Hi Mat and Mike.) Now, you may not be a boozy type yourself, but you can still open a beer right from your hip. Photo: Ariel Zambelich/WIRED

03
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Now this is a key fob. Triple Aught Design's [Skeleton Key](http://store.tripleaughtdesign.com/Skeleton-Key) will screw in a bolt, remove a nail, intimidate the timid, and open a beer. Plus, it has a skull on it. Tasty. Photo: Ariel Zambelich/WIRED
04
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Were you aware the Swiss have a functioning army? Me neither. But bless their troops who also apparently invented [multi-purpose knives](http://www.swissarmy.com/) that fit on your keychain and also open your beer. Photo: Ariel Zambelich/WIRED

05
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[William Painter](http://williampainter.com/) built bottle openers into the temples of its Ray Ban-esque shades. Pull them off your face, pop your bottle, and then open your booze maw because coldness is coming. Photo: Ariel Zambelich/WIRED
06
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I like to call this baby my [Crowpener](http://www.anidealshop.com/index.php?page=shop.product_details&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=104&category_id=84&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=1). The hand-forged iron make s a beautiful accessory, a relentless opener, and a handy weapon if you're too drunk and need to fight. Caw, caw! Photo: Ariel Zambelich/WIRED

07
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Riding bikes on July 4 is hot---both literally and in a metaphorical, hipster-ish sense meaning in fashion. Cool down and look rad by whipping out [Surly's Jethro Tule opener](http://surlybikes.com/parts/small_parts/jethro_tule) that doubles as a 15mm hub wrench for your fixie. Photo: Ariel Zambelich/WIRED
08
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Want to look bad-ass and impress the fellas? Whip out that [Bic](http://www.flickyourbic.com/) from your pocket and wedge against your thumb-bone, levering open the beer. Photo: Ariel Zambelich/WIRED

09
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This stainless steel [Splügen opener](http://www.alessi.com/en/2/1377/bar-and-wines/ac11-splugen-bottle-opener) is both handy and fancy---too fancy for you, drunkie! This is the kind of elegant tool you use to open other people's beers when you're sober. You, you stick with the Bic. Photo: Alessi
HomeWetBar LLC
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And-Another-handout
This opener in the shape of an ampersand is cleverly titled "[And Another](http://www.homewetbar.com/and-another-beer-bottle-opener-p-3099.html)" because it wants you to be up front about the fact that you have a problem. But at least your friends will envy you until your inevitable arrest. Photo: Home Wet Bar

11
Hermetus-handout
I know what you are thinking: Who would close a beer? But let's say it's a really, really big beer, and you have to go to the bathroom for an hour and you can't bring your beer with you. Well, this [Hermetus opener](https://store.kaufmann-mercantile.com/collections/kitchen/serving/products/hermetus-bottle-opener-resealer) will also re-seal your bottle. Burp. Photo: Hermetus
12
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This machined aluminum [Brews-Key opener](http://www.zymurgear.com/) will also re-seal your beer, which as we have previously established is sometimes necessary, sliding over the top of the bottle for an airtight fit. Photo: Zymurgear

13
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This [chubby brass owl](http://www.highstreetmarket.com/collections/gifts-under-30-00/products/chubby-brass-owl-bottle-opener) has a slotted bottom. A slotted bottom that holds a cap and pops it off of a bottle. Also it looks very cool sitting on your bar. Photo: High Street Market
14
Dropcatch-handout
Magnets: they just work. This [DropCatch](http://dropandcatch.com/) wall-mounted bottle opener will both remove your bottle cap from your beverage, and then use the power of magnetism to catch it before it falls to the floor. Which is good, because you should not make any sudden moves. Photo: Dropcatch

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