Gallery: Did You Overdo It This Thanksgiving? You Got Nothin' on These Critters
Juergen Freund/Caters News01Tarsier Leap
Among primates, humans have some pretty dang impressive brains, but our bodies are kind of meh. At least compared to the tarsier, which has tremendously elongated legs it uses to bounce around the forest. It’s super tiny, yet can [leap 15 feet](https://www.wired.com/2015/01/absurd-creature-of-the-week-tarsier/) from tree to tree in pursuit of bugs and such. Indeed, aside from Guy Fieri, it’s the only exclusively carnivorous primate.
age fotostock /Alamy02Spidey-01
There’s no mouth quite like a camel spider’s mouth. This arachnid’s (not technically a spider) giant chompers easily [tear its prey to pieces](https://www.wired.com/2015/10/absurd-creature-week-ferocious-arachnid-death-wrapped-mystery/). And unlike a spider, it has no venom, relying on brute force alone to overwhelm its prey, including rodents.
WaterFrame/Alamy03estrella sea star Labidiaster annulatus Antarctica Antarctic Peninsula
What’s two feet wide and has 50 friggin’ arms coated in teeth that act like bear traps? The sea star *Labidiaster annulatus*, that’s what. When it snags something like krill, little structures called tube feet [conveyor-belt the prey](https://www.wired.com/2015/07/absurd-creature-week-two-foot-wide-sea-star-covered-teeth-like-bear-traps/) to the sea star’s mouth.
Getty Images04GettyImages-128548414
The shipworm is not in fact a worm but a highly elongated clam–that can [nom nom nom through wood](https://www.wired.com/2015/06/absurd-creature-of-the-week-shipworm/) and cause untold damage to boat and pier alike. Digesting wood is no picnic, so symbiotic bacteria help the clam process the stuff.
Mor Salomon05lead-tone
We’re supposed to love our mothers because they gave birth to us or whatever and yada yada yada. But not many of them dissolve their insides to regurgitate a goo to feed us, now do they. That’s where this spider has human moms beat. [She liquidates herself to feed her young](https://www.wired.com/2015/05/absurd-creature-of-the-week-barfing-spider/), until she dies and they pierce her abdomen and suck out what remains. Yay motherhood!
© Michael & Patricia Fogden/CORBIS06a-660x429
Eff that noise, says momma caecilian, a kind of [legless amphibian](https://www.wired.com/2015/02/absurd-creature-week-caecilian/). Her young eat the skin right off of her in a feeding frenzy that lasts seven minutes. But sure enough, just over a day later she has regrown the skin for the kids to peel off again. It’s like Lunchables, really, only made of skin … and awkwardness.
Hannah Wood07a-1024x768
Spiders are assassins, sure, we gather that. So what kind of tomfoolery does it take for a spider to be bestowed the honorific of “assassin spider”? Well, you could start by growing giant jaws and a [crazy neck-like situation](https://www.wired.com/2014/12/absurd-creature-of-the-week-assassin-spider/), all of which helps you hold your prey at a distance. Then hunt other spiders in a super awesome ninja-like way. *That’s* how you become an assassin.
Mark Siddall08intestine-tone
Think your job sucks? This leech’s sucks more, in both senses of the word: It makes a living [feeding exclusively on hippo rectums](https://www.wired.com/2015/08/absurd-creature-of-the-week-hippo-butt-leech-placobdelloides-jaegerskioeldi/). Why? A hippo’s skin is famously tough, impenetrable for the leech. So it just climbs on in there and goes to town.
