Gallery: A Practical Guide to the Catchphrases of Arrested Development
01Arrested Development Catchphrases
In 2012, I watched *Arrested Development* for the first time and discovered that roughly 60 percent of the lexicon of my peer group consisted of direct references to the misadventures of the Bluth family. In the days leading up to the much-anticipated Netflix release of Season 4, experts\* predict that that figure may rise as high as 80 or 90 percent. If you're one of the dozen or so people who still haven't seen the show--or have lost some of your *Arrested Development* fluency in the six-year gap between the last episode and now--never fear: Wired has prepared a handy guide to communicating with your friends and neighbors via *Arrested Development* catchphrases, including appropriate circumstances for their use in everyday conversation. Soon, you'll be yelling "No touching!" with the best of them. *\*No actual experts were consulted during the development of this article.*
02I've made a huge mistake.
"I've made a huge mistake." --------------------------- __Source:__ Most characters at one time or another, but usually G.O.B. __Context:__ Much of *Arrested Development’*s situational humor is predicated on its characters' tendencies to make huge mistakes, which they occasionally acknowledge as such. __Use:__ 1) To acknowledge that you have in fact made a huge mistake. 2) To humorously exaggerate a small mistake. *Speaker 1: Wait—was that half-and-half or non-dairy creamer? Speaker 2: I've made a huge mistake.*
03And that's why you always leave a note!
"And that's why you always leave a note!" ----------------------------------------- __Source:__ J. Walter Weatherman __Context:__ When his children were young, George Bluth Sr. often used his considerable means to teach them minor life lessons via intricately staged scenarios, often featuring the one-armed J. Walter Weatherman. One such scenario ended with Bluth hitting Weatherman with his car, apparently severing Weatherman's arm (actually a prosthesis), after which Weatherman clawed his way to the back window of the vehicle to tell the terrified Bluth children, "And that's why you always leave a note!" __Use:__ To inappropriately blame a major disaster or tragedy on a minor, largely unrelated failure. *Speaker 1: OH, MY GOD! THE ZOMBIES HAVE BROKEN THROUGH THE FIRST LINE OF DEFENSES! THEY'RE IN THE HOUSE! Speaker 2: And that's why you always leave a note!*
04Steve Holt!
"Steve Holt!" ------------- __Source:__ Steve Holt __Context:__ Aggressively enthusiastic teenager Steve Holt announces his arrival or responds to others mentioning him by raising his arms in a gesture of victory while yelling his own name. __Use:__ 1) To announce your arrival. 2) To celebrate a minor victory. 3) To cheer yourself on in trying circumstances. 4) To otherwise divert attention to yourself. *Speaker 1: Steve Holt!*
05...Or candy!
"...Or candy!" -------------- __Source:__ G.O.B. __Context:__ G.O.B., a stage magician, objects to the description of his "Illusions" as mere "tricks," yelling angrily that "tricks are what whores do for money!" Upon noticing that small children have overheard his outburst, G.O.B. sheepishly amends, "...or candy." __Use:__ To pointedly fail to mitigate the social inappropriateness of whatever you’ve just said. *Speaker 1: Frankie, find the son-of-a-bitch who stole my money and break his kneecaps with a crowbar! Speaker 2: \[indicates nearby children\] Speaker 1: ...or candy!*
06You're not ready.
"The fact that you call it \_\_\_\_ tells me you are/aren’t ready." ------------------------------------------------------------------- __Source:__ Michael Bluth __Context:__ Michael Bluth interprets his son George Michael’s confession that "I have Pop-Pop in the attic" to mean that George Michael is having sex there, and admonishes the teen that "the mere fact that you call making love ‘pop-pop’ tells me you’re not ready." (George Michael is in fact trying to confess that he’s been helping his grandfather--affectionately nicknamed "Pop-Pop"--to hide out in the attic of the family home.) Later, when Michael’s girlfriend Rita tells him that she wants to have "sexual intercourse," Michael responds, "The fact that you call it that tells me you’re ready." __Use:__ 1) To communicate that someone’s poor choice of euphemism ([i.e. "Tribble" for pubic hair](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/underwire/2013/05/star-trek-etsy/?pid=9987)) indicates that they are unready for adult touching. 2) To communicate that someone’s use of correct terminology indicates that they *are* ready for adult touching. 3) To entertainingly misconstrue an unrelated epithet as sexual. *Speaker 1 (gesturing to craft project): Will you help me stuff my bear? Speaker 2: The mere fact that you call it "stuffing your bear" tells me that you're not ready.* (Note the deliberate misinterpretation for humorous effect.)
07No touching!
"No touching!" -------------- __Source:__ Prison guards, prisoners __Context:__ Touching is not allowed in the visiting room at the prison where George Bluth, Senior, is incarcerated. Violating this rule will result in a yell from a guard, echoed from most nearby prisoners and occasionally even visitors. __Use:__ 1) To deter public displays of affection. 2) To acknowledge another fan’s reference to same. __Variant:__ "No bees!" (Optional response, spoken *sotto voce*: "They don’t allow bees in here.") *(During any instance of touching) Speaker 1: No touching! Speakers 2-X: No touching!*
08Her?
"Her?" ------ __Source:__ Usually Michael Bluth. __Context:__ George Michael’s first girlfriend has all the charm of a self-righteous houseplant. Whether Michael actually forgets who she is as frequently as he indicates or just maintains the illusion of such as a passive-aggressive means of undermining his son's relationship is open to interpretation. __Use:__ 1) To passive-aggressively undermine the relationship of a friend or family member. 2) To discreetly establish alliances with other acquaintances who likewise disapprove of the relationship in question. __Variants:__ 1) Regularly insist that you have never met the party in question, even if you clearly have. 2) If the party in question has a name phonetically similar to "Anne," "inadvertently" refer to her as "Egg," "Bland," "Plant," and other unflattering epithets emphasizing her lack of interesting qualities. *Speaker 1: Let's go pick up \[significant other\]! Speaker 2: Who? Speaker 1 (indicating photo of all three of you clearly interacting): You know—the girl I've been dating since 2009? Speaker 2: Her?*
09Chicken Dance
Chicken Dance ------------- __Source:__ Members of the Bluth family __Context:__ Michael's parents and siblings regularly insinuate that he is a chicken via series of increasingly improbably paroxysms and squawks that at best vaguely evoke the actual movement and vocalizations of *Gallus gallus domesticus*. __Use:__ To indicate that someone else is a chicken, and, as a corollary, that you have probably never seen an actual chicken. __Additional Note:__ While a dance does not strictly fit within the denotative definition of "catchphrase," we chose to include the chicken dance in this collection due to significant evidence of usage interchangeable with spoken language.
10There's always money in the banana stand!
"There's always money in the banana stand!" ------------------------------------------- __Source:__ George Bluth, Senior __Context:__ In response to Michael's concerns about the family's financial ruin, George reassures his son increasingly emphatically that "There's always money in the banana stand!" Only after burning down the banana stand in an act of long-delayed rebellion does Michael learn that George was not talking about the business, but about the $250,000 he had squirreled away in the walls of the stand itself—now burned to the ground. __Use:__ 1) To optimistically propose an apparently irrelevant solution to a major dilemma. 2) To propose a real solution to a major dilemma in a manner so oblique that it will inevitably be catastrophically misinterpreted. 3) To indicate that you have seen *Arrested Development*. *Speaker 1: According to this statement, I'm going to be paying off my student loans for another 314 years. Speaker 2: There's always money in the banana stand!*
11Advanced Reading
Advanced Reading ---------------- Once you’ve mastered the use of the nine catchphrases (and variations) above, you’ll be ready to move on to more advanced study of the memes and running gags of Arrested Development. For readers interested in in-depth exploration of running gags, we recommend [Recurring Developments](http://recurringdevelopments.com/) and NPR’s [Previously on *Arrested Development*](http://apps.npr.org/arrested-development/), both excellent cross-referenced visual guides to the series' recurring jokes. For readers who wish to explore the advanced use of *Arrested Development* catchphrases and quotations in visual memes, we can find no better example than the *Arrested Development* / *Game of Thrones* mash-up blog [Arrested Westeros](http://arrestedwesteros.com/) (contains significant spoilers for both shows).
