Gallery: Please Let This Be Over: The 8 Worst Keynote Moments
Julie Jacobson01qualcomm-at-ces-2013-big-bird-vampires-and-bad-acting
Does anyone know what news Qualcomm announced at CES this year? What products it unveiled? No? But you do know that the chipmaker put Big Bird onstage. And Steve Ballmer. While the bizarre ritual of the tech company keynote grinds on, the point of these exercises in social awkwardness, astroturfed enthusiasm, celebrity shilling and PowerPoint pandering has long since dissolved into the smoke machine-obscured mists. Of course, we in the media are key keynote enablers. We cover these things relentlessly because they're manufactured for us to cover and, hey, sometimes they even serve up little dribbles of news! Still, keynotes have taken on a weird meta-marketing quality, where the keynote has become less about the information conveyed by the presentation and more about the presentation itself. The music. The lights. The technical glitches. Steve Ballmer's gait. Given this pomo reality, cash-rich tech companies still can't seem to buy themselves a good keynote. Cheesy incoherence rules the day. But maybe that's not such a bad plan. The worse the keynote, the more buzz around its badness. Witness this gallery. It may be years after the fact, and we've forgotten about what you were selling. But we're still talking about your keynote. Above: Qualcomm at CES 2013: Big Bird, vampires, Ballmer -------------------------------------------------------- As a spectacle, Qualcomm's turn at the plate to deliver the keynote at the biggest gadget event of the year lived up to the audience's Vegas-sized expectations. No one could say they didn't put on a show. But what that show was actually about remains unclear. From the wooden acting of the irony-free opening skit fo a gory vampire move clip to Big Bird and "Birdkateer Dave" -- oh, also Steve Ballmer and Maroon 5 -- Qualcomm wanted everyone to know they get the ["mobile generation."](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/gadgetlab/2013/01/ces-2013-qualcomm-keynote/) Not sure the feeling is mutual. *Photo: Julie Jacobson/AP*
GARY HE02justin-timberlake-for-panasonicmyspace-tv-at-ces-2012
Justin Timberlake for Panasonic/MySpace TV at CES 2012 ------------------------------------------------------ Not even Justin Timberlake could save the [Panasonic/MySpace TV keynote]( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tlDz8dvJTs) at CES in 2012. (You know, MySpace TV? You've seen that, right? [Us neither.](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/gadgetlab/2013/01/ces-2013-vaporware/?pid=4264)) Says Wired's Roberto Baldwin, who attended the presentation: "It was horrible and awkward and made me weep for all the people onstage and their families." *Photo: Panasonic/Gary He/AP*
Julia Malakie03steve-jobs-and-bill-gates-giant-head-at-macworld-1997
Steve Jobs and Bill Gates' giant head at MacWorld 1997 ------------------------------------------------------ Apple in 1997 was like Nokia or RIM today: A once important company stumbling down a pit of its own digging toward what many pundits saw as its imminent demise. To save the company, Apple brought back its founder, Steve Jobs. Not as many people remember that Apple also brought in Bill Gates. Wired's own Bob McMillan says reporters were scratching their heads in the pressroom after the news that Microsoft was bailing out its once and future competitor to the tune of $150 million. Apple fanboys and girls, meanwhile, gave Bill Gates a less than warm reception (fast-forward [this video](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOs6hnTI4lw) to minute 31) when his giant head appeared on a screen above Jobs via satellite in one of the more awkward meetings of two great tech minds. *Julia Malakie/AP*
04mark-zuckerberg-sweats-profusely-at-d8-in-2010-during-questions-about-facebook-privacy
Mark Zuckerberg sweats profusely at AllThingsD conference --------------------------------------------------------- Mark Zuckerberg is probably a little too young to remember those Dry Idea deodorant commercials from the 1980s -- the ones with the tag line "Never let 'em see you sweat." Zuckerberg let everyone see him sweat while Walt Mossberg and Kara Swisher (above) peppered him with questions about Facebook and privacy (and his hoodie) during [AllThingsD's D8 conference](http://allthingsd.com/20100610/full-d8-video-facebook-ceo-mark-zuckerberg/) in 2010. *Photo: [Esthr](http://www.flickr.com/photos/edyson/4665567719/lightbox/)/Flickr*
052009-bill-gates-unleashed-a-swarm-of-mosquitoes-at-a-ted-talk
Bill Gates sets mosquitos loose at TED -------------------------------------- While not a keynote in the traditional sense, Bill Gates' [mosquito stunt](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppDWD3VwxVg) at TED deserves mention for its sheer theatrics. What was described as a "swarm" by some reporters turned out to be [seven bugs](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/business/2009/02/ted-bill-gates/) in all. (The ostensible point of the release was to dramatize to the audience of elites the threat of malaria faced by so many of the world's poor every day.) *Photo: [Wa-j](http://www.flickr.com/photos/wa-j/3254849008/lightbox/)/Flickr*
06will-smith-on-stage-at-sony-ces-2012-keynote-in-dull-awkward-conversation-about-men-in-black-3
Will Smith for Sony at CES 2012 ------------------------------- A clip of *Men In Black 3*. Sony CEO Sir Howard Stringer: "Tell me you're not ready to see that movie. Go on, tell me. Be cynical." A garage door. A cloud of smoke. Coughing. Will Smith: "It was smoke and it was a nice strong Sony strobe. The best in the world." *Men in Black* director Barry Sonnenfeld: "I just want to thank you for all your hard work on the Alpha 77." Sir Howard: "Do you have any idea what he was talking about?" [The crowd does not go wild.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpHA_Z_1IdU) *Photo: Jim Merithew/Wired [](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/about/#faq13)*
CHRIS WEEKS07playstation
Ridge Racer! Sony Debuts PS3 at E3 2006 --------------------------------------- Kaz Hirai really can't believe the gamers aren't more excited about *Ridge Racer*. *[Ridge Racer](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaBUeINW_3s)*! They're also not excited about the [giant enemy crab](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IH2w2l1JTs4). Oh, and they really aren't excited about spending $599 on a new PS3. The keynote that launched a thousand memes. *Above: Phil Harrison, President of Worldwide Studios, left, demonstrates the new PlayStation 3 game controller while Ken Kutaragi, President and Group C.E.O. of Sony Computer Entertainment, Inc., looks on during the Sony Computer Entertainment America E3 2006. Photo: Sony Computer Entertainment America/Chris Weeks/AP*
Dave Getzschman08eric-schmidt
Eric Schmidt: "We know where you are." -------------------------------------- Before stepping aside as Google CEO in 2011, Eric Schmidt said several things in public that did not make people uneasy about his company's omniscience feel better, including [this](http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/10/04/google_ericisms/) to a Washington, D.C., audience in 2010: "We know where you are. We know where you've been. We can more or less know what you're thinking about." *Above: Google CEO Eric Schmidt speaks at the TechCrunch Disrupt 2010 Conference in San Francisco. Photo: Dave Getzschman/[TechCrunch](https://secure.flickr.com/photos/techcrunch/5033340845/in/photostream/)/Flickr*
