Gallery: The Most Absurd Creatures on Earth, From Satanic Geckos to Fairy Armadillos
Roy Caldwell01L-sulcata-male-strike-Sept-5-2013-med
Some creatures demand more respect than others. It's hard to fear a bunny, but it's impossible not to bow before the [incredible abilities of the mantis shrimp](https://www.wired.com/2014/01/absurd-creature-of-the-week-4/), which uses club-like limbs to hit its prey so hard it briefly heats the water around it to the temperature of the sun. There's also another variety, shown here, that impales its prey in a flash and drags it into a burrow. Respect, mantis shrimp. Respect.
Ed Louis02aye1
When it comes to animal attitudes, it doesn't get more badass than the [aye-aye of Madagascar](https://www.wired.com/2013/09/absurd-creature-of-the-week-aye-aye-gives-world-the-highly-elongated-finger/). It's evolved a highly elongated middle finger, which it uses to fish grubs out of trees. It therefore spends its whole life giving the world the bird. Maybe that's why the local people fear it, and why it isn't allowed over for dinner at other animals' houses.
George Burgess03teeth
I like this one not because of that beautiful smile, but because [I got to track down](https://www.wired.com/2013/11/absurd-creature-of-the-week-cookiecutter-shark/) the very first person confirmed to have been attacked by a cookiecutter shark. Mike Spalding was marathon-swimming between two Hawaiian islands in the *middle of the night* when the shark took a sizable chunk, or "bigass hole," as Mike explained it to me, out of his leg. Oh, and Mike went back a year later and finished the swim. You know, like ya do.
Lyle Buss, University of Florida04human-bot-fly-3rd-instar-Buss
I've been accused on a number of occasions by certain editors at WIRED of having mental problems, based solely on the horrific critters I write about. And they don't come more horrific than the botfly, whose larvae [burrow into your skin](https://www.wired.com/2013/09/absurd-creature-of-the-week-bobbit-worm/), grow plump, and eventually emerge, leaving behind a gaping wound. [Watch videos of people extracting them](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23eimVLAQ2c) at your own risk. Or send them to squeamish colleagues like I do!
Source: Bering’s Voyages05stellers
[The story of Steller's sea cow](https://www.wired.com/2014/01/absurd-creature-of-the-week-stellers-sea-cow/) may be a sad one, humans having driven it to extinction and all, but it's a story nevertheless packed with characters (and skinny-dipping). Think of a manatee, and now scale that up to 33 feet long and 12 tons. It was so big it didn't have any predators, so humans were able to make short work of it. But it lives on in George Steller's [beautiful, remarkably detailed descriptions](http://digitalcommons.unl.edu/libraryscience/17/) of the beast.
Theodore W. Pietsch06Anglers-4-H
Male chauvinism is really stupid, and not just for the obvious reasons. In the majority of animal species out there, it's actually the female that's larger than the male. But when it comes to girl power, [the anglerfish reigns supreme](https://www.wired.com/2013/11/absurd-creature-of-the-week-anglerfish/). Females are massive and packed with huge teeth. The males are absolutely tiny, and mate with a female by biting and permanently fusing to her, and releasing sperm when she commands it.
Ram Gal07Brain-Sting-1-660x480
The mind-controlling powers of zombie-ant fungi are pretty well known. Less famous, though, is the jewel wasp, which zombifies cockroaches with an [incredibly precise sting to the brain](https://www.wired.com/2014/02/absurd-creature-of-the-week-jewel-wasp/), essentially erasing their free will. The wasp then drags the perfectly contented cockroach into a burrow and seals it inside with a single egg, which catches and slowly consumes the victim alive. It's so horrible I almost feel bad for the roach. Almost.
Image: Nurie Mohamed/WIRED. Source: Oceans IQ08The-bizzare-pearlfish
Yeah so here's the pearlfish mentioned below. I'm proud of this one for two reasons. That GIF and getting this headline approved by Wired.com's editor himself: [This Fish Swims Up a Sea Cucumber’s Butt and Eats Its Gonads](https://www.wired.com/2014/02/absurd-creature-of-the-week-pearlfish/). Also, interviewing marine biologist Christopher Mah was memorable, mostly because he promised me that all kinds of things get up sea cucumbers' butts. Crabs, clams, you name it.
Monterey Bay Aquarium/Randy Wilder0912-264.tif
Back in March I had the honor of being invited backstage at the world-famous Monterey Bay Aquarium, where I hung out with Bret Grasse, who raises cuttlefish. And I got to meet what is probably my favorite critter ever: [the flamboyant cuttlefish](https://www.wired.com/2014/04/absurd-creature-of-the-week-cuttlefish/), which fires gorgeous, rippling bands of color up and down its body. I actually got a bit emotional, and that's a pretty tall order for me, as any number of my ex-girlfriends can attest.
Piotr Naskrecki / Corbis10Fantastic Leaf-tail Gecko (Uroplatus phantasticus) mimicking leaves, Andasibe-Mantadia National Park, Madagascar
[The satanic leaf-tailed gecko](https://www.wired.com/2014/07/absurd-creature-of-the-week-satanic-leaf-tailed-gecko/) is one of my favorites not because of its epic name, but because it so elegantly reveals the wonders of evolution. Over millions of years, geckos with mutations that helped them blend into their environment survived to pass along those genes. And voila, a gecko that today looks exactly like a leaf. Oh, also, it can scream to ward off predators.
