Gallery: Return of the World's Most Wonderfully Ridiculous Movie Computers
01golden-gun
*The Man With The Golden Gun* is the James Bond movie where Roger Moore flies to the tip of the Malay Peninsula so he can do battle with the little dude from *Fantasy Island* and a cold-blooded contract killer who has three nipples and a serious solar energy fetish. When Moore arrives, his three-nippled nemesis takes him on a tour of a massive underground lair where vats of liquid helium convert raw sunlight into a death ray capable of squeezing money from the largest countries on Earth. But the most amazing part of this solar extravaganza is that it's all run by an ICT 1301. Read More:[](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/wiredenterprise/2012/10/movie-computers/)[The Most Wonderfully Ridiculous Movie Computers of All Time](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/wiredenterprise/2012/10/movie-computers/)ICT -- short for International Computers and Tabulators -- was Britain's answer to IBM. The 1301 was a business machine built in the early 1960s, when punch cards and drum storage were state of the art. In other words, it wasn't built for use with vats of liquid helium. "It was built to do pounds, shillings, and pence arithmetic in hardware," says Roger Holmes, part of a team in Britain working to restore an old ICT 1301 to working order. "It was also a decimal machine, but strictly speaking, it couldn't do binary calculations." Some love *The Man With The Golden Gun* (1974) for that stunt where the red AMC hatchback jumps over a river and corkscrews to the other side. Others love it for Roger Moore's hideous mid-'70s wardrobe. But here at Wired, we love it for the ICT 1301. Last month, we profiled [The Most Wonderfully Ridiculous Movie Computers of All Time](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/wiredenterprise/2012/10/movie-computers/), hailing the beautifully nonsensical machines that turn up in everything from [*The Towering Inferno*](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/wiredenterprise/2012/10/movie-computers/) to [*War Games*](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/wiredenterprise/2012/10/movie-computers/?pid=317), and naturally, you told us our list was far from complete. So, with this, The Return of the World's Most Wonderfully Ridiculous Movie Computers, we make amends -- at least until you tell us we left out something else. Yes, *The Man With the Golden Gun* deserves a spot on the list. It's one of those classic Hollywood productions that took a very real and very outdated computer and applied to a task that made absolutely no sense whatsoever. It ranks up there with [*Sleeper*](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/wiredenterprise/2012/10/movie-computers/?pid=311) and [*The Billion Dollar Brain*](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/wiredenterprise/2012/10/movie-computers/?pid=320). <script language="JavaScript" src="http://admin.brightcove.com/js/BrightcoveExperiences.js" type="text/javascript"></script> <object class="BrightcoveExperience" id="myExperience1942606093001"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"></param><param name="width" value="660"></param><param name="height" value="380"></param><param name="playerID" value="1577029897001"></param><param name="playerKey" value="AQ~~,AAAAAF1BIQQ~,g5cZB_aGkYZC26fBYKv5Nsnal0IamyGL"></param><param name="isVid" value="true"></param><param name="isUI" value="true"></param><param name="dynamicStreaming" value="true"></param><param name="@videoPlayer" value="1942606093001"></param></object> <script type="text/javascript">brightcove.createExperiences();</script> Compared to modern machines -- including the laptop on your coffee table -- early computers like the ICT 1301 were extremely limited devices, but some were rather photogenic, and as they were scrapped in the mid to late 1960s, they wound up in the hands of Hollywood production designers looking for some eye candy they could slot into a Bond villan's underground lair or a spacecraft traveling to Alpha Centauri in a year somewhere in distant future -- like 1997. The best example is the IBM AN/FSQ-7, a machine designed in the late-'50s for a radar defense system operated by the U.S. Air Force. It was originally built with vacuum tubes, but after Hollywood got hold of the thing, it was running everything from [robot repair shops](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/wiredenterprise/2012/10/movie-computers/?pid=311) to [half-baked time machines](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/wiredenterprise/2012/10/movie-computers/?pid=314). But the ICT 1301 isn't far behind. In *The Pink Panther Strikes Again*, it helps Dreyfus [vaporize the United Nations](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/wiredenterprise/2012/10/movie-computers/?pid=310). It turns up in British TV staples like *Doctor Who* and *Blake 7*. And it takes a bow in not one but two Bond films. The other is *For Your Eyes Only* (1981). Roger Holmes confirms that the 1301's star turn in *The Man With The Golden Gun* doesn't exactly stand up to scrutiny. For one thing, it's not exactly a 1301. It's just a pair of 1301 control panels, each of which measures about 4 feet by 3 feet. The rest of the machine -- which would cover about 700 square feet of floor space -- is nowhere to be found. You can see the two control panels above, just behind Roger Moore (007) and Christopher Lee (the man with the golden gun -- and the three nipples). Moore eventually slays his three-nippled nemesis, but then a bikini-class Britt Ekland hits a henchman over the head with a wrench and he tumbles into a vat of liquid helium. Naturally, this means that the underground lair blows sky high -- once Britt and Roger have time to escape. And that was the end of those ICT control panels. Or perhaps not. When the lair blows up, it's not really the lair. It's just a miniature. In the movies, things aren't always what they seem. And that's why we love them. To see the rest of the list, click on the images above. Like *The Man With the Golden Gun*, some of these films show real machines doing unreal things. But others opt for 100 percent unreality. Think *Superman III*. Or *Hackers*. Or the classic you nominated more than any other: *Colossus: The Forbin Project* You were right. Colossus can't be beat. At least, we don't think so. If you still have other suggestions, please e-mail us at: cade\[email protected].
02fantastic-voyage
In the '60s and '70s, the IBM AN/FSQ-7 was everywhere. *Lost In Space*. *Get Smart*. [*Sleeper*](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/wiredenterprise/2012/10/movie-computers/?pid=311). [*The Towering Inferno*](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/wiredenterprise/2012/10/movie-computers/?pid=313). And no, it never seemed to show up alongside a radar defense system. That would actually make sense. The Q7 and its many blinking lights turn up yet again in *Fantastic Voyage* (1966). This time, it helps shrink Raquel Welch so she can travel by microscopic submarine through the bloodstream of a Soviet scientist and repair a blood clot in his brain (see video below). <script language="JavaScript" src="http://admin.brightcove.com/js/BrightcoveExperiences.js" type="text/javascript"></script> <object class="BrightcoveExperience" id="myExperience1942661109001"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"></param><param name="width" value="660"></param><param name="height" value="380"></param><param name="playerID" value="1577029897001"></param><param name="playerKey" value="AQ~~,AAAAAF1BIQQ~,g5cZB_aGkYZC26fBYKv5Nsnal0IamyGL"></param><param name="isVid" value="true"></param><param name="isUI" value="true"></param><param name="dynamicStreaming" value="true"></param><param name="@videoPlayer" value="1942661109001"></param></object> <script type="text/javascript">brightcove.createExperiences();</script>
03invasion-of-the-bee-girls
If you think *Fantastic Voyage* couldn't be topped, you're wrong. Seven years later, the movie gods gave us *Invasion of the Bee Girls*, where the AN/FSQ-7 helps create a mutant race of females determined to murder government-funded scientists with their insect-like sexual prowess. Outdated IBM gear and Sexploitation. A match made in heaven. <script language="JavaScript" src="http://admin.brightcove.com/js/BrightcoveExperiences.js" type="text/javascript"></script> <object class="BrightcoveExperience" id="myExperience1942606061001"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"></param><param name="width" value="660"></param><param name="height" value="380"></param><param name="playerID" value="1577029897001"></param><param name="playerKey" value="AQ~~,AAAAAF1BIQQ~,g5cZB_aGkYZC26fBYKv5Nsnal0IamyGL"></param><param name="isVid" value="true"></param><param name="isUI" value="true"></param><param name="dynamicStreaming" value="true"></param><param name="@videoPlayer" value="1942606061001"></param></object> <script type="text/javascript">brightcove.createExperiences();</script>
04spaceballs
With *Spaceballs* (1987), Mel Brooks spoofs *Star Wars* -- and he's about ten years late. The AN/FSQ-7 fits right in. <script language="JavaScript" src="http://admin.brightcove.com/js/BrightcoveExperiences.js" type="text/javascript"></script> <object class="BrightcoveExperience" id="myExperience1942572674001"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"></param><param name="width" value="660"></param><param name="height" value="380"></param><param name="playerID" value="1577029897001"></param><param name="playerKey" value="AQ~~,AAAAAF1BIQQ~,g5cZB_aGkYZC26fBYKv5Nsnal0IamyGL"></param><param name="isVid" value="true"></param><param name="isUI" value="true"></param><param name="dynamicStreaming" value="true"></param><param name="@videoPlayer" value="1942572674001"></param></object> <script type="text/javascript">brightcove.createExperiences();</script>
05independence-day
We mentioned *Independence Day* (1996) in our original look at [The Most Wonderfully Ridiculous Movie Computers of All Time](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/wiredenterprise/2012/10/movie-computers/), pointing out that its use of the AN/FSQ-7 is about 13 years off the mark. But you wanted more. Shame on us for not mentioning the Apple PowerBook that uploads a virus to the alien mothership and saves the Earth from certain destruction. <script language="JavaScript" src="http://admin.brightcove.com/js/BrightcoveExperiences.js" type="text/javascript"></script> <object class="BrightcoveExperience" id="myExperience1942375063001"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"></param><param name="width" value="660"></param><param name="height" value="380"></param><param name="playerID" value="1577029897001"></param><param name="playerKey" value="AQ~~,AAAAAF1BIQQ~,g5cZB_aGkYZC26fBYKv5Nsnal0IamyGL"></param><param name="isVid" value="true"></param><param name="isUI" value="true"></param><param name="dynamicStreaming" value="true"></param><param name="@videoPlayer" value="1942375063001"></param></object> <script type="text/javascript">brightcove.createExperiences();</script>
06seven
But enough with the AN/FSQ-7. How about a good ol' DEC VAX 11/780. As spotted by James Carter, who catalogs movie machines on his website [Starring The Computer](http://www.starringthecomputer.com/), the DEC turns up at a [police department](http://www.starringthecomputer.com/feature.html?f=50) in *Seven*, the 1995 film where Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman track down a serial killer of Biblical proportions. Poor Morgan Freeman. Brad Pitt is bad enough. But Brad Pitt and twenty-year-old hardware is unbearable. <script language="JavaScript" src="http://admin.brightcove.com/js/BrightcoveExperiences.js" type="text/javascript"></script> <object class="BrightcoveExperience" id="myExperience1942568844001"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"></param><param name="width" value="660"></param><param name="height" value="380"></param><param name="playerID" value="1577029897001"></param><param name="playerKey" value="AQ~~,AAAAAF1BIQQ~,g5cZB_aGkYZC26fBYKv5Nsnal0IamyGL"></param><param name="isVid" value="true"></param><param name="isUI" value="true"></param><param name="dynamicStreaming" value="true"></param><param name="@videoPlayer" value="1942568844001"></param></object> <script type="text/javascript">brightcove.createExperiences();</script>
07rollerball
*Rollerball* (1975) shows us the future, and it's not pretty. In the year 2018, people will kill each other on rollerskates -- and we'll program our computers with punch cards. <script language="JavaScript" src="http://admin.brightcove.com/js/BrightcoveExperiences.js" type="text/javascript"></script> <object class="BrightcoveExperience" id="myExperience1942572678001"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"></param><param name="width" value="660"></param><param name="height" value="380"></param><param name="playerID" value="1577029897001"></param><param name="playerKey" value="AQ~~,AAAAAF1BIQQ~,g5cZB_aGkYZC26fBYKv5Nsnal0IamyGL"></param><param name="isVid" value="true"></param><param name="isUI" value="true"></param><param name="dynamicStreaming" value="true"></param><param name="@videoPlayer" value="1942572678001"></param></object> <script type="text/javascript">brightcove.createExperiences();</script>
08italian-job
*The Italian Job* (1969) has everything. Michael Caine. Noel Coward. Swinging London. The Mafia. Three Mini Coopers. A $4 million gold heist. The greatest movie ending of all time. And a Turin traffic computer tape drive that gets hacked by Benny Hill. Yes, that Benny Hill. <script language="JavaScript" src="http://admin.brightcove.com/js/BrightcoveExperiences.js" type="text/javascript"></script> <object class="BrightcoveExperience" id="myExperience1942614618001"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"></param><param name="width" value="660"></param><param name="height" value="380"></param><param name="playerID" value="1577029897001"></param><param name="playerKey" value="AQ~~,AAAAAF1BIQQ~,g5cZB_aGkYZC26fBYKv5Nsnal0IamyGL"></param><param name="isVid" value="true"></param><param name="isUI" value="true"></param><param name="dynamicStreaming" value="true"></param><param name="@videoPlayer" value="1942614618001"></param></object> <script type="text/javascript">brightcove.createExperiences();</script>
09demon-seed
In *Demon Seed* (1977), a machine with a "quasi-neural matrix" impregnates Julie Christie with synthetic sperm. It's the *Doctor Zhivago* of computer movies.
10the-computer-who-wore-tennis-shoes
Kurt Russell's greatest role? You might say Snake Plissken in *Escape From New York*. Or Stuntman Mike in Quentin Tarantino's *Death Proof*. But clearly, he never topped the title role in *The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes*. If anyone can make you believe they're possessed by a machine that once ran an illegal gambling ring, it's Kurt Russell. <script language="JavaScript" src="http://admin.brightcove.com/js/BrightcoveExperiences.js" type="text/javascript"></script> <object class="BrightcoveExperience" id="myExperience1942572673001"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"></param><param name="width" value="660"></param><param name="height" value="380"></param><param name="playerID" value="1577029897001"></param><param name="playerKey" value="AQ~~,AAAAAF1BIQQ~,g5cZB_aGkYZC26fBYKv5Nsnal0IamyGL"></param><param name="isVid" value="true"></param><param name="isUI" value="true"></param><param name="dynamicStreaming" value="true"></param><param name="@videoPlayer" value="1942572673001"></param></object> <script type="text/javascript">brightcove.createExperiences();</script>
11disclosure
Naturally, our list includes two films based on Michael Crichton novels. Last month, [there was *The Andromeda Strain*](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/wiredenterprise/2012/10/movie-computers/?pid=303). This month, there's *Disclosure* (1994). You know. Michael Douglas. Demi Moore. Virtual reality that looks nothing like actual reality. <script language="JavaScript" src="http://admin.brightcove.com/js/BrightcoveExperiences.js" type="text/javascript"></script> <object class="BrightcoveExperience" id="myExperience1942613038001"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"></param><param name="width" value="660"></param><param name="height" value="380"></param><param name="playerID" value="1577029897001"></param><param name="playerKey" value="AQ~~,AAAAAF1BIQQ~,g5cZB_aGkYZC26fBYKv5Nsnal0IamyGL"></param><param name="isVid" value="true"></param><param name="isUI" value="true"></param><param name="dynamicStreaming" value="true"></param><param name="@videoPlayer" value="1942613038001"></param></object> <script type="text/javascript">brightcove.createExperiences();</script>
12hackers
How ridiculous is Gibson, the supercomputer at the heart of *Hackers* (1995)? No more ridiculous than Angelina Jolie as a teenage hacking genius known as "Acid Burn." <script language="JavaScript" src="http://admin.brightcove.com/js/BrightcoveExperiences.js" type="text/javascript"></script> <object class="BrightcoveExperience" id="myExperience1942606087001"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"></param><param name="width" value="660"></param><param name="height" value="380"></param><param name="playerID" value="1577029897001"></param><param name="playerKey" value="AQ~~,AAAAAF1BIQQ~,g5cZB_aGkYZC26fBYKv5Nsnal0IamyGL"></param><param name="isVid" value="true"></param><param name="isUI" value="true"></param><param name="dynamicStreaming" value="true"></param><param name="@videoPlayer" value="1942606087001"></param></object> <script type="text/javascript">brightcove.createExperiences();</script>
13superman-iii
*Superman III* (1983) is the one where Richard Pryor plays a computer genius. And that's one of the more believable bits. After turning Superman into an unshaven drunk using a new form of kryptonite made with 0.57 percent cigarette tar, Pryor helps build a supercomputer at the bottom of the Grand Canyon that "does everything a normal computer can do -- and 1,000 things none can do." These 1,000 other things include growing a mind of its own and turning Robert Vaughn's sister into cyborg. But then Clark Kent emerges from the body of unshaven Superman, kills him, turns into clean-shaven Superman, and destroys the world's most powerful computer with a jar of acid. This movie computer is so ridiculous, our editor would prefer we remove it from the list. But that's yet another reason to keep it in. <script language="JavaScript" src="http://admin.brightcove.com/js/BrightcoveExperiences.js" type="text/javascript"></script> <object class="BrightcoveExperience" id="myExperience1942568842001"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"></param><param name="width" value="660"></param><param name="height" value="380"></param><param name="playerID" value="1577029897001"></param><param name="playerKey" value="AQ~~,AAAAAF1BIQQ~,g5cZB_aGkYZC26fBYKv5Nsnal0IamyGL"></param><param name="isVid" value="true"></param><param name="isUI" value="true"></param><param name="dynamicStreaming" value="true"></param><param name="@videoPlayer" value="1942568842001"></param></object> <script type="text/javascript">brightcove.createExperiences();</script>
14bionic-woman
It's been called the [finest episode](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clJkG9selQY) of the *Bionic Woman* ever made. "Doomsday is Tomorrow" pits Lindsay Wagner against the Alex7000, a supercomputer that threatens to destroy everyone on earth. We get excited just typing about it. The Alex7000 is a Strangelovean "Doomsday Device" that will blow up the planet if anyone so much as tests a nuclear device. Plus, it talks. When a Middle Eastern skeptic says he's gonna test a nuke anyway, our only hope is the Bionic Woman. It's a classic tale of man versus machine. Or rather woman versus machine. Or maybe that's machine versus machine. "It is duel between you and me," the Bionic Woman tells the Alex7000. "May the best...one...win," the Alex responds. <script language="JavaScript" src="http://admin.brightcove.com/js/BrightcoveExperiences.js" type="text/javascript"></script> <object class="BrightcoveExperience" id="myExperience1942655073001"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"></param><param name="width" value="660"></param><param name="height" value="380"></param><param name="playerID" value="1577029897001"></param><param name="playerKey" value="AQ~~,AAAAAF1BIQQ~,g5cZB_aGkYZC26fBYKv5Nsnal0IamyGL"></param><param name="isVid" value="true"></param><param name="isUI" value="true"></param><param name="dynamicStreaming" value="true"></param><param name="@videoPlayer" value="1942655073001"></param></object> <script type="text/javascript">brightcove.createExperiences();</script>
15colossus-the-forbin-project
Before the Bionic Woman stared down the Alex7000, Charles Forbin went head-to-head with Colossus. In *Colossus: The Forbin Project* (1969), you don't get Lindsay Wagner. But you do get everything else. Forbin is a government scientist, and Colossus is his creation, a supercomputer that automates the defense of the entire United States. The bad news is that the Soviets have built one too, and when the two machines start teaching each other multiplication, things really get scary. Pretty soon, Colossus becomes self-aware -- the most frightening thing a computer can ever do -- and when the machine discovers that Forbin is plotting its demise, it puts him under 24-hour video surveillance. But Forbin is nearly as clever as Lindsay Wagner. He manages to organize a counterattack against Colossus when he convinces the machine he can't survive unless he has some private nookie with a female member of his staff at least four times a week. This is undoubtedly the most amazing excuse for semi-nudity in the history of motion pictures -- but it can't stop a machine like Colossus. Yes, the supercomputer foils Forbin's plan and shows the world who's boss by detonating two nuclear war heads on live television. But Colossus says that whatever it may do, it does so for the good of the planet. "This is the voice of world control," the machine tells the world. "I bring you peace. It may be the peace of plenty and content or the peace of unburied death. The choice is yours: Obey me and live, or disobey and die." It doesn't get any better than that. Even Google agrees with us. The web giant recently installed a new-age file system across its worldwide network of data centers, and it dubbed this creation [Colossus](http://stag-komodo.wired.com/wiredenterprise/2012/07/google-colossus/). Make of that what you will. <script language="JavaScript" src="http://admin.brightcove.com/js/BrightcoveExperiences.js" type="text/javascript"></script> <object class="BrightcoveExperience" id="myExperience1942606106001"><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF"></param><param name="width" value="660"></param><param name="height" value="380"></param><param name="playerID" value="1577029897001"></param><param name="playerKey" value="AQ~~,AAAAAF1BIQQ~,g5cZB_aGkYZC26fBYKv5Nsnal0IamyGL"></param><param name="isVid" value="true"></param><param name="isUI" value="true"></param><param name="dynamicStreaming" value="true"></param><param name="@videoPlayer" value="1942606106001"></param></object> <script type="text/javascript">brightcove.createExperiences();</script>
