Nov 4, 2015 6:00 AM

Gallery: James Bond's Villains Sure Have Some Ridiculous Weaponry

United Artists
01
Cyanide cigarette (Dr. No)
Cyanide cigarette (Dr. No): When you need smoking to be even more hazardous to your health.
United Artists
02
Laser beam (Goldfinger)
Laser beam (Goldfinger): Lasers in 1964 were not really a thing yet, but hell, you still wouldn’t want one inching up slowly toward your more delicate cargo.

United Artists
03
Scaramanga’s golden gun (The Man With the Golden Gun)
Scaramanga’s golden gun (The Man With the Golden Gun): This Bond villain (played by Christopher Lee) only ever needs one shot, which is what also made his pre-fab pistol the most lethal weapon in the GoldenEye video game.
United Artists
04
Tee Hee’s hook hand (Live and Let Die)
Tee Hee’s hook hand (Live and Let Die): Perfect for bending all sorts of weaponry and for snaring raw chicken parts to feed crocs.

United Artists
05
Automated spine-stretcher (Thunderball)
Automated spine-stretcher (Thunderball): You don’t think this really hurts? Sure, it’s a bit of a stretch, but when you hit the hotel spa looking to rest for a spell, it can wrack your nerves.
MGM/United Artists
06
Personal blimp lair (A View to A Kill)
Personal blimp lair (A View to A Kill): It’s only the only way to fly (when you’re determined to destroy all of Silicon Valley and corner the global microchip market for yourself).

United Artists
07
Oddjob’s hat (Goldfinger)
Oddjob’s hat (Goldfinger): Sharp enough to slice the head of a stone statue but apparently didn’t give you a nasty paper cut every time you tipped your cap in respect. That’s some cranial craftsmanship.
United Artists
08
Snow machine of immediate death (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service)
Snow machine of immediate death (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service): The wood-chipper in Fargo wishes it had this kind of power.

MGM/United Artists
09
Yo-yo spin saw (Octopussy)
Yo-yo spin saw (Octopussy): Able to cut through tables (or people) from an elevated position, this weapon gives a close shave if you’re not paying attention.
United Artists
10
Jaws’ teeth (The Spy Who Loved Me)
Jaws’ teeth (The Spy Who Loved Me): Let’s take a moment to acknowledge the great weirdness of this towering baddie with the metallic munchers. At nearly 7-foot-2, actor Richard Kiel was more than a foot taller than Roger Moore and was as imposing and menacing as any henchman. Oh, and his first appearance came in 1977 (two years after Spielberg’s Jaws broke all box-office records) in which he works for a villain who lives under the sea and then he basically gnaws a shark to death at one point. All coincidences, I’m sure. (His return appearance in Moonraker was just downright odd. Let’s not discuss it.)

United Artists
11
Car mirror dart gun (Live and Let Die)
Car mirror dart gun (Live and Let Die): Maybe sneak a peek at your fellow driver’s side-view the next time you find yourself road-raging.
United Artists
12
GPS encoder (Tomorrow Never Dies)
GPS encoder (Tomorrow Never Dies): Want to make a ship think it’s somewhere it’s not? Maybe if you’re trying to start World War III, in which case you should invest in one of these puppies. Available in red. Only red.

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