Don't Worry, GOP—These 5 Fictional Conventions Were Even Hotter Messes Than Yours
And bloviating ex-mayors and plagiarism would be the least of their concerns.
Alamy
Sure, the 2016 Republican National Convention—what with its pilfered speeches and smoke-filled entrances—is already one of the more cuckoo confabs in recent history. But all of the histrionic Trumpthumping in the world can't compare to some of the knock-down nominating battles that have played out in Hollywood in the past few decades. Here are some standout get-togethers, along with recently unearthed commentary by noted political convention witness Norman Mailer.
- After returning home from the Korean War, former prisoner of war Raymond Shaw (Laurence Harvey) is reunited with his mother (Angela Lansbury) and his stepfather, a punchline of a politician hoping to make it to the White House. What Shaw and one of his former Army mates (played by Frank Sinatra) don't realize, though, is that while in captivity, Shaw was brainwashed into becoming an assassin, and that he's under the control of none than his Communist mother, who wants her son to execute her husband's competition at the upcoming presidential convention. On the big night, Shaw waltzes into Madison Square Garden with a gun, takes aim at the podium—and kills his mother and his stepfather, before finally turning the weapon on himself. "The whole event was keen evidence of a dying empire's romance with self-sabotage," Norman Mailer famously wrote of the gathering. "Also, Sinatra was a pussy."
- On the eve of the convention, two leading candidates—William Russell (Henry Fonda) and Joe Cantwell (Robertson)—vie for the candidacy of an unnamed party by engaging in as much back-stabbing, rumor-rampaging, room-pacing behavior possible ("Do I understand, by the way that you are slowly beating around the bush," a character intones gravely, "that Joe Cantwell is what they used to call, when I was a boy, a *dee-*generate?"). By the time the two men get to actual nominating floor, both men have been compromised, morally and otherwise, and the word "bastard" has been thrown around enough to make everyone (including viewers) feel icky about the political process. "If I may quote 'Movin' Out,' a song by Billy Joel, who is a singer from the future, Gore Vidal is nothing but a hack-hack-hack-hack-hack-hack," Norman Mailer famously wrote of the gathering.
- Having recruited Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) to assist him in his increasingly murderous ways (a task that includes [murdering a few Younglings](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnwkE4trA48)), the evil Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) stands before the intergalactic Senate—which, for all we know, still includes [the cruddy CGI E.T.s from *The Phantom Menace*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAPUGq0VGWg)—and nominates himself as the Emperor of newly formed Galactic Empire, sending the galaxy into complete higgeldy-piggeldy, and causing good guys like Bail Organa (Jimmy Smits) to flee to safety. "I watched, not knowing if Palpatine were lonely in his sad eminence, or megalomaniacal," Norman Mailer famously wrote of the gathering. "Afterward, I got sloshed and boffed an Ugnaught."
- As the Democratic convention gets underway, the party is still split between three possible nominees—including Vice President Hoynes (Tim Matheson)—and the POTUS staff is agonizing over everything from who gets to speak (and when) to who's been leaking information to the press to how to save the three oxygen-deprived astronauts stranded in space (Aaron Sorkin, forever stoking those stakes!). Amid all of this stress and vote-haggling, Senator Santos (Jimmy Smits, clearly 2005's go-to guy when it came to political discord) is asked to step down from the race—only to take the stage and [announce he won't back down](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXoLaMhx-zI), throwing the convention into even further chaos. "I'm smitten with Smits-man!", Norman Mailer famously wrote of the gathering.
- Having survived everything from an assassination attempt to [a press-op with Pussy Riot](http://www.ew.com/article/2015/03/06/house-cards-postmortem-pussy-riots-masha-alekhina-tells-how-russian-activists), Frank Underwood (Kevin Spacey) decides to go full "fuck it," announcing that his vice-presidential candidate will be decided at the Democratic convention—while all the while secretly scheming to ensure that his wife, Claire (Robin Wright), actually winds up on the ticket alongside him. As the convention-goers start going crazy from the surroundings (and from the Atlanta-area heat), Frank finds time to chill out with a scene-stealing Republican governor Will Conway (Joel Kinnaman), as the two discuss terrorism while also playing [Agar.io](http://agar.io/) on their phones. "*House of Cards*: Still on!", Norman Mailer famously wrote of the gathering.
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