How to Survive a Real-Life "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" Situation

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Hey guys, do you ever wonder what you'd do

if a gang of genetically evolved apes took over the planet?

Shattered social structure, scarcity of resources,

gun-wielding apes on horseback?

I'm talking about an ape-ocalypse.

I'm Quinn Beswick, welcome to my bunker.

You're watching Disaster School.

Today's lesson, ape takeover.

(upbeat music) On Disaster School we look

at pop culture's most deadly events,

in film, TV, and we figure out,

if they did happen, how would you survive?

(upbeat music)

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes,

so a virus wipes out a majority of the human race

while simultaneously creating these genetically

evolved apes, holy (bleep), sorry.

How would you survive in a post-ape-ocalyptic world?

I talked to a sociologist, scientists, and a survivalist.

A lot of monkey and ape species already use tools,

just maybe not the kinds of tools we use.

If they were really clever in the movie,

they should have had a chimp riding along

firing two machine guns with its hands

and two machine guns with its feet,

because its feet are just like hands.

Now that would have been a very

good effect, don't you think?

(intense orchestral music) Smart apes,

crumbling society, how do you make this work?

Everything we take for granted is suddenly gone.

The source of food, the clean water, I'd want to have

a secure place to rest my body.

Okay, so shelter, like a bunker.

So the idea that you're gonna stay

in a bunker for a year is ludicrous.

God, I was so sure about this bunke.

If you're in a bunker you're in one spot,

you're not really moving, you're hiding out,

you don't want people to know where you're at.

You've got food that's been stored,

but it's not a sustainable solution.

What about when the stuff runs out?

I encourage everybody to have

some basic gear with you at all times.

I always carry a knife or two,

certainly a Swiss Army knife, ratchet clippers,

comes in handy for wood, for bone, for all sorts of things,

solid magnesium, it'll last fr thousands of lights.

And then you get a spark and you ignite your tinder.

And then twine, for putting a shelter together,

for crossing a river, I would carry a canteen,

essentially, that's my basic kit.

So pack all that up, identify a way out,

with a group, the chances of both individual

as well as group survival are much greater.

If you have skilled people in your team

and you're the kind of person that people like to be around,

you're gonna find the things that you need.

Well, at least there is one thing

we can all agree on, avoid the apes, right?

Often aggression is non-contact,

it's just threatening postures.

Friendly apes, I'm not buying it.

If you have an unexpected encounter with an ape,

here are some things to remember.

Signs that monkeys feel threatened include

what's called a fear grimace,, and it looks like a smile

but it's more an anxiety and fearful behavior.

They might threaten back,

and making direct eye contact is a threat.

They may urinate or defecate,

sometimes they'll freeze, they'll just become motionless.

Smiling, defecating and freezing,

sounds like my grandmother after three white wine spritzers.

(laughs) I'm just kidding, she's dead.

Lip smacking is a behavior that monkeys

do to each other often after a fight.

It's a rapid movement of the lips,

something like,

to show they're not a threat.

They may alarm call to each other.

(apes groaning)

Oh, if they call for backup, you're (bleep).

If I came across an ape, what I would do,

I would drop my head, I would put my hands up,

I would waddle over to him, reach out, snap his neck.

If I were to come across a group of primates,

avoid eye contact, try to make myself

small and then quietly leave.

Okay fine, listen to her.

For those of you who want to coexist with the apes,

that is totally your choice.

The best way would be to go for cooperation.

One of the things that humans do but chimpanzees don't

but could if they were intelligent enough

is teaching and learning, so by demonstrating

that you can provide advantages,

coexistence would be possible if both

were mutually beneficial to each other.

Okay, we learned a lot today, so let's recap.

Don't be a dick, have a pack, avoid the apes,

if you meet the apes, teach 'em something.

That's it for this episode of Disaster School.

Be sure to share this video with the people you like

so we can all survive the ape-ocalypse,

but don't share it with the people you don't like,

'cause they will weigh us down.

#disasterschool, and don't forget

to subscribe to the Wired channel.

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