Angry Nerd Takes on the Avengers Cast, Cosplay Superheroes, and More at San Diego Comic-Con 2014

(train whistle)

This is what I'm talking about.

There are the people waiting to get into hall H.

H, for hot, miserable weather.

H, for hellishly long waits.

H, for hey, I think I see George R.R. Martin...

Oh, it's just a homeless guy, nevermind.

Anyway, I'm going to talk to some of these people,

the most dedicated of the dedicated,

ask them why they're here, what they're hoping to see,

how long they've been waiting.

I'm here with Captain America.

Which version of Captain America are you?

The stealth suit from The Winter Soldier.

Excellent, great costume, that's a

nice, sturdy shield too.

I got a shield, but it was just like a trash can lid.

It bent up the first time I threw it.

Can you tell me, is that vibranium?

Is that adamantium?

Or is it a vibranium-adamantium alloy?

I would say it's both, both of them.

It's the alloy, that is correct.

That is the proper version of Captain America's shield.

What are they doing with the movie? Pure vibranium?

You know, if he tried to ricochet that around,

a pure vibranium shield, it would absorb that force

and drop like a dead tennis ball.

Isn't that right?

That's right, but I'm pretty sure that they don't use

the word adamantium because it's owned by Fox.

I'm here with two cosplayers.

The outfits look vaguely familiar, I can't quite

put my finger on it.

Can you tell me who you're supposed to be?

I am Marge Simpson.

And so am I.

Great. So, body makeup, what color would be best for me

if I was going to slather makeup over every inch

of my body?

That's a great question.

Spongecake yellow. Spongecake yellow.

Spongecake yellow, I like it.

Your costumes, I love the attention to detail.

They're almost perfect.

The only thing lacking is that classic

Matt Groening underbite.

Can you do that?

I don't think so.

Can you tell me who you are cosplaying as?

Sure, I'm Peter Pan.

And I'm Tinkerbell.

These costumes are great, they're very accurate,

but I'm disappointed you didn't go the extra mile

and miniaturize yourself to be about this tall.

The scale is all wrong.

It's that attention to detail that really sets apart

the great cosplayers.

And speaking of miniaturization, that reminds me,

Marvel studios just revealed the new Ant Man poster,

and I'm livid.

I still can't get over the fact that out of the thousands

of characters they had to choose from, they decided to

build a movie around this miniaturized mediocrity.

Look, there's Ant Man, riding an ant.

You better hope the bad guy doesn't have a giant

can of Raid!

So the cast of Age of Ultron were just here.

We were kept a safe distance away from them.

I don't know if they thought some sort of

rabid fan boys were gonna hug and smooch

and hug and smooch some more on them.

It's like a Marvel last supper.

Which one of you will betray me tonight?

Probably Hawkeye.

Anyway, I'm on record saying that there have been far

too many Marvel superhero movies in the last decade.

Roll the clip.

In the last decade alone, there have been 40 of them.

It's too much!

It's also increasingly infuriating that the separate

franchises Fantastic Four, Spiderman, and the Avengers

cannot overlap.

Something has to be done about that.

I am surrounded by things that make me furious.

Like the geeks who wait in line overnight to see a movie

trailer that will be available freely online

a week from now.

Next year, stay home, people.

And then I won't have to wait in line as long.